Back in high school  we had this thing where that you had to pass your exams or else. It was pretty brutal. At the end of the term we’d congregate ourselves into the dining hall for what was called a closing assembly and have the poorest performing students from each class called up on stage for the others to look at and shame. This was essentially meant to make them feel so low that they perform better next time. Just in case the shaming was not enough, they had to open school the following term a week earlier than everybody else and bring their own food. And I don’t mean chapattis and ngumus. You had to come with raw maize and beans. 5 kg weevil-free maize and 5 kg rose-cocoa beans to be more specific. It was torture. I did it and didn’t like or see the point.

Anyway, during one of this parade-and-shame sessions, the poorest performing Form 1 pupil was asked by our deputy why he had performed so poorly. I think he got 200 marks out of 1200. I think. The kid, not having expected this kind of thing, kept quiet. The deputy demanded he tell us and that is when he grabbed the mike, turned to face us students. We were well over 700.  Waiting with bated breath to hear what he would say. I could see that he was shaking. Which meant I was either sitting up close or hadn’t developed eye problems yet. He finally said,

I was sick malaria

To which we all took to laughing. For like a whole 10 minutes. Even the fucking teachers. The main reason were laughing is we were looking for that distraction. Also because of his answer to the question.

‘I was sick malaria’? I guess the sentence construction kinda bolstered home the point that he was slow and that was part of the hilarity. His answer was so hilarious that Malaria become his nickname for the rest of his high school years. The fact that he couldn’t come up with a better excuse was also kind of funny but mostly sad, now that I think about it. He might have been suffering from malaria during the exam period and that might have caused him to fail but I guess no one once thought of that.

Until now. Nine or so years later. When karma struck back. I, now, am sick malaria. Karma is a bitch right?

But I am not even sure it’s malaria. That is just something the school nurse said.

Me: Since yesterday, I have been having fevers and..

Her: It’s malaria. Have these.

Me: Okay

I still feel like shit, but that is just how I feel daily. My appetite is gone but it’s not like I use it anyway. I rarely eat on normal days.

So hey, that was just a quick update. To let you fans know how I am doing. All 2 of you. This new blog is about to get to it’s first anniversary. I know this because my web host provider keeps flooding my phone with texts ‘Your nye nye nye is about to expire. Nye nye nye pay for continued smooth services.’ These coke TLD cost 3 times as much as com ones. Dayum. What is up with that Kenya? But you know us. They raise the prices of everything because they know we cannot do jack shit.

Anyway, happy anniversary to me. And let’s see if I can take this blog a notch higher. I am thinking video. But for what?

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