In the spirit of addiction, I got myself another blog. That is a score for addictions. So now this makes it a total of what? Probably the 8 or the 9000th? I dunno , I lost count. Anyway I decided to move to my own domain and ditch the Blogapress shenanigans for a couple of reasons.
- First, I wanted to feel in control. Something you will realize later on that I have very little control over. I am crazy out of control. Life throws a lot of curveballs and if you are not prepared, you can get hit alot I am never prepared. But I am hoping to change that.
- Secondly, I got lazy. Writing makes me feel very calm, very peaceful and very quiet. In such a way that I might use three words that mean the same to describe my feelings. But somewhere between campus, life, police cells and The Aunt, I got a little lazy and stopped publishing. So I figured that if I get my own site, I will have to update regularly so that the hosting money does not go to waste. That is a brilliant idea, no? We will see
- Thirdly, boobs.
- Fifthly I wanted to have a template I love. By the way what do you think of my theme? With the fireworks slides and links everywhere? Too much? Well, that’s your fucking problem. I love it the way it is. Woi, please love it, it cost me a lot of ummm……
- Sixthly, how long can keep –lying this list? Let’s find out.
- Seventhly that is enough of that.
How is This Blog Different From Your Previous Shitty Ones?
That is a good question you randomly hateful person. I am going to answer your question and you will be very pleased. But before I do, let me start off a little further back and answer a broader question? How is one blog different from the other? Don’t they all use some sort of text, video or image? When you cut it, does it not paste?
This blog is different is a way that is both fun, informative and slightly offensive.
Actually, ‘both’ cannot be used to define items more than…
Fuck you and your grammar. Next question.
What will this blog be all about?
Obviously I will be talking about the downside of being Kenyan. Okay I dunno why that is obvious, its not like I am a pessimist or something! Oh wait! …….Naaaaaa *cough* I am not.
But Kenya really is a wonderful country. We are all recognised and shit! For instance our MPs are the most paid members of parliament in the world. That means Kenya is the richest country! Right? Either that or it has the dumbest of voters. And by dumb, I mean selfish. Oh what a selfish lot we are. I will be showing instances of that aspect on a routine basis. Trust me on that.
Kenya also has the best security! Its not like people get away with killing as much as other countries. When you make a kill list of 100 people, we are confident that you will be caught by the time you kill the 19th person, maybe 20. At most, the absolute most, 30. That is guaranteed.
The calling rates in Kenya are great. No wait. I am not even going to be sarcastic about that. Safaricom is fucking killing us. And we are so hooked on it that we don’t fucking realise it.
Masomo ni tamu! We got free education so everyone has a chance to get to school and learn all the important stuff. Like rioting throwing stones, setting things on fire and so and so. If you have time, you can actually get a real education. Haha . Kidding. Why read when you can get examination leaks, bribe teachers and of course there are mwakenyas aka cheat sheets! Aaaaa. Mwakenya! Where would we be without you? That’s right! Still in form 2!
And the most important people in Kenya do not get paid what they deserve. Like teachers. Kwanza those Nursery and Kindergarten teachers. I think those are the ones that are supposed to get paid the most because they take a lot of shit! Showing a class of like 30 kids how to hold a pencil, trying to convince each individual to do something you are calling ‘writing’ is just hard. To me it is. The doctors! Hell on earth, don’t even get me started on them. The teachers are even better off because they fought and won some more money. I guess the doctors could be paid more if somehow we got a way to increase revenue! Just don’t tax the Mps or get them to reduce their salary. That would just be inhumane!! Who does that!?
Anyway these are just a few of the things that bite me about this 254 Republic aka Kenya aka Nchi ya Wazito aka Nchi Ile Obama Alizawako!
I will also be including some personal stuff. What makes me ME! My beliefs, my thoughts, my reactions, my hobbies, my hates and who knows, maybe some football, you know. LOL, JK. That can never happen. Football is a shitty sport. I hate it. 22+ grown men running around the field chasing a bag full of air only to kick it away when they get it so as to go after it again. Come on! And then the audience! My God! Sitting there, watching other men chase after a piece of recycled pleather . But I noticed that most people enjoy this game better in pubs. Where they can have a beer or 6 to drown the fact that they are about to waste 90 minutes. I don’t get sports that involves balls. Where is the joy? If I need to play with balls I just look myself in a dark room with some Vasalube and my wild imagination. Oh, Joy.
Masturbation jokes? Really?
Yeah really. What? You don’t think they are highly appropriate for people who don’t want to believe they lack humor and think they will come off as hilarious and open minded but end up looking sexually inexperienced and a tad disgusting?
My final shot ends up on a soggy sock! No? Okay.
Parting shot. Um….. Stay tuned for more and let me know what you think about my new home. I will try to be frequent as possible, what with all the amount of money I have invested in this blog and all so I will we will get to learn from each other. So see you soon.
Oh and by the way, I’d hate to sound like a whiny bitch but please like my Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dexxe/147385335292628. You see those numbers at the end? I just need 8 likes and I get rid of them. Facebook says I need 30 likes to get rid of them and award me with something called Analytics. I have never gotten such an award. But most importantly, I hate those numbers and I want them out of my life so please PLEASE, like that page. If that doesn’t convince you, I would like to inform you that Jesus called me last night and told me to tell y’all that if you like that page, comment ‘ByD Yay’ and then share it, He will personally come down and play chess with you after which he will fly around with you collecting cute little bunnies.
But seriously though, like it, when I get rid of that string of digits you can unlike for all I care.