Today is January the 10th 2013. Hello and welcome to The News At 8.24 With Dexxe . My name is Dexxe.

Kenyans today woke up to shocking news that the members of parliament have awarded themselves a 9.3 million send off package for when they retire after the general election in March this year. Citizen were shocked and bewildered by this news, all of them asking why they gave themselves such a small package. These self- sacrificing servants struggle so much to make due with their basic salary of only  Sh. 800,000. It is only fair that they award themselves a package.  With the National Budget of about a trillion shilling, citizens were expecting these the hard working employees of the people to award themselves a billion or more shillings because the country clearly has enough money to support them. Sources however, tell us that they refrained from doing that because of the love they have for their people.

We asked a resident of Eastleigh’s  Majengo slum what he thought of this send off package and this is what he had to say.

Resident: Aiyaiyaiyaiyaiyaiyaiya!

Haki Nyi Mpigs Jameni Tuliwanfanya nini
Haki Nyi Mpigs jameni. Tuliwanfanya nini ? [Nairaland]

To compensate for not clearing out the Treasury, the MPs got a few other pleasantries. If the President assents to that bill each MP will get also get:

1. A personal bodyguard and driver to be paid for by the state:

Because of the increased wages, it expected that jubilant constituent members may collaborate and plan to overwhelm the MP in a manner that may cause harm to him. The bodyguard is meant to stop these overexcited individuals with a bullet. With over 200 Mps in office, the state is currently recruiting bodyguards. Applicant’s should have served in the police force at a high rank and have a sparkling reputation that is equal to Waiganjo. Also should be able to catch a grenade for the MP according the Bruno Mars clause.

The driver is to aid in ferrying the MP around because the obesity gotten in the line of duty hinders him from moving with risking a heart attack.

2. A diplomatic passport for the retiree and his wife and unlimited access to the executive lounge for Very Important Person in all the airports within Kenya.

This is to aid him with leaving the country whenever an opportunity to buy necessities presents itself. Necessities include Caribbean cruises, gold-plated taxidermy pets, Indonesian shemale massages and other life needs that are deemed essential these days. The passport is also to be used to escape the country at a moment’s notice of violence erupting as locals join with neighbouring constituents to come steal his hard earned money and land.

3. The MPs also want to be accorded a state funeral upon death. 

This is as an appreciation of the work they have done. Placing Kenya where is it today. The country with the second best city to be born in. Our MPs risk their lives daily seating in the newly established parliament. The lead paint smell from the walls attack their nostrils with military precision. The smell is always on target with its aerial assault dodging the wind with swift accuracy causing the nose hairs to turn grey.   These daring daredevils also sacrifice minutes off their busy days to remain in the same sitting positions on leather seats that are known to cause colon cancer as they try to fight for your rights. It is only fair that they get a 21 gun salute as they are lowered six feet in the ground. Sources say that they are also working to get their death date converted to a national holiday. More on that story as it develops at the next hour.

We now take a short break, but before we come back, we want you to send us your views on what your member of parliament also needs to get. What other worthy present should these Employees of The Year nominees get? Write your message in the comments section of the web address you see on your screen.

You are watching the News at 8.24 with Dexxe. Stay tuned.

Your Member of parliament cares for you, it is only fare that you also care for him
Your Member of parliament cares for you, it is only fair that you also care for him


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