Uganda is coming out strongly against homosexuality. They want to pass a bill that punishes anyone suspected of being gay; with up to life in jail. One may question the logic of taking a gay person to prison as punishment but this is not a country of logic. Therefore such questions are not permitted.

It gets better.

Another bill.

Women should not put on skirts that show their knees. That is pornography. Apparently. Makes you wonder what we were wearing before white man brought us skirts. Were we not in loin cloths and bra-less?  Now, one might say that these laws are harsh, but I get Uganda’s logic. I do. It’s a very simple one. ‘If you don’t understand it, kill it. If it is foreign, kill it.‘ This is the same logic they tried using on HIV/Aids. Idi Amin wanted everyone that had the disease to be murdered immediately before he spreads it. If it had happened world wide it would have cured Aids but the ethics of it all… Brrrr. Makes you shiver.

Anyway, the Pornography Bill did not get much traction as the Kill the Gays Bill which was pushing to kill all homos. I guess they think it is a contagious disease and if you kill them all it will stop. If you are thinking, ‘ Gay Ugandans better leave that country if they want to live.’ take a load of this. These sneaky politicians have really thought this through. The bill, if passed, will also affect Ugandans living out of Uganda. They are to be extradited and brought back to receive justice. What’s more? If an individual, media, or NGO knows of such people, they have 24 hours to out them or face jail too.

I am going to come out and say this is a bit excessive. They, however, must have thought so too and that is why they reduced the death penalty to life imprisonment for those that are guilty of aggravated homosexuality. Aggravated homosexuality? What is that? Well, if you have gay sex while infected with HIV, that is aggravated homosexuality and death be upon you. This may seem very funny (to me at least) but this is really a serious issue that will affect a lot of lives and needs to be addressed correctly. It is just a matter of times our very own politicians try to avoid fixing the problems in this country and decide to derail us with such bills. Oh, it’s coming to Kenya all right and we better be ready.

Have you heard the arguments we have against homosexuality, though? There are very many. Here are some of the ones I hear the most. Let’s try to follow their logic, shall we?

1. It is unChristian

‘God made Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Steve.’ Bleeeeeeeugh. If I got a million for every time I heard this phrase I would have a lot of millions. I have come to hate that phrase. Too overused. It was funny only once. The argument is, God made Adam and Eve to have sex and fill the world with babies. Something gay people cant do. Fill the world with babies. Not have sex. Stay with me. So, since gay people cannot naturally bear children, they shouldn’t be considered as humans. Much in the same way as if you were to marry a woman that is barren, she cannot have babies and therefore cannot contribute anything useful to the relationship so you might as well as divorce her.

The fill the earth story is shit. Look at how many people on earth live in poverty. Look at how fast natural resources are running out? Don’t you think it’s time we make sure that those living here are doing well before popping out more? I am happy that people out there adopt children that are orphans or come from deplorable living conditions. It is a noble thing. Kudos. If it happens to be gays doing it. I do not care. As long as the kids gets a good and happy life.

2. It is Unnatural

What does that even mean? Do you know what is unnatural guys? Plastic. Plastic is man made. Homosexuality is not manufactured in a lab somewhere. But for the sake of argument, let me assume they mean, ‘we are not used to it‘. Is this the same argument that we use when talking about insecurity, poverty and disease in our country?

‘It is natural the way things are, it would be unnatural to have everyone rich, secure and disease free. In the same breath, let’s also get rid of people that have unnatural features like 12 fingers, too smart etc. That is unnatural and we do not want that. We want to all be the same. Equal.’

3. If we accept homosexuality, what will stop us from having sex with animals?

You know, like the way marijuana is a gateway drug, homosexuality also is a gateway sin. Once we let that slide, who know what humanity will bring next. People are going to start having sex with animals, and small kids. Hell, we’ll even have people having sex with inanimate objects. All because of homosexuality. This homosexuality really must be a great sin. We should revise the 10 commandments and having it there top 5. Do Not Homosex.

4. It is Un-African

Just like the Westernised clothes you are wearing or the car that brought you here to make that stupid mouth movement.

5. It will confuse children

This argument stems from the notion that, for a child to grow up right, he should have a biological mother and father in his or her life. Failure to which the child will grow aimlessly and become a serial killer. If two males raise a kid together, they will teach it to be gay and it will spread it in schools. They say this forgetting that there are kids who have been raised with single parents and turned out aright and kids that have been raised with both parents and still managed to be a screw ups. It’s how you are raised not who raises you. A pack of wolves would do a better job raising some of these kids today.

The list continues. I am not good with lists so let me stop there. And time for me to give my opinion. Get ready to crucify me folks. Are your pitchforks ready? Okay here goes,

I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HOMOSEXUALS just like I do not give a fuck about heterosexuals.  I only care for character not sexual orientation. The only reason I would care about what orientation you are is when I am trying to have sex with you. That is only when I am hoping you are not a lesbian. Speaking of which, don’t you think these bisexuals are a bit greedy? LOL, JK. I know they are just confused.

I would wish the government to tackle serious issues first, those that actually affect society, like poor education, poor health, insecurity, transport. Maybe then, I can hear them out when they write laws on how two people should have sex.

I honestly believe that this is just another right of societal passage we are going through. Just like when we were arguing that blacks are not equal to white, men are not equal to women and now gays are not equal to non gays. This will be won and then we move on to something else…. like all religions are not equal.

People fear gays too much. Too much. This homophobia must be hinting at something major. They say it stems from a hatred of yourself for being that which is hated so much but I don’t think so. I just think that people don’t feel at peace unless they are truly hating on some group. And this hatred is getting scary. A guy yesterday was burnt to death for being gay in Uganda. I would show you guys the pictures but of late I have been having bad internet and cant post any pictures so… Google. The violence against them is even worse in some places like South Africa where women got raped with toilet brushes to sort of realign them back to loving dick. I would bet anything, that it did the opposite.

We, men are actually the most outspoken of our hatred towards gay people. We are quick to add that by gay, we mean gay men. No problem with lesbians though. That is ‘hot’. And even some have even gone so far as calling it ‘romantic’.

You must be also be familiar with the argument that a chick is only gay because she has not found the ‘right dick’. And as it so happens, the ones saying this claim to have it (the right dick) and swear that if they are given a lesbian , they would ‘fuck her straight’. This of course is only if the girl looks like Beyonce and not Whoopi Goldberg. So what they are saying in general is lesbianism is only okay if both chicks are ‘hot’. Otherwise, that’s just gay.

An inverse argument I had recently was against gay women but not so much against gay men. To this lady, it did not make sense how two girls would have sex. Both of them are sockets. No plug. She, however thought that gay men having sex made more geometrical sense because of the plug and socket action. It made sense to her geometrically. Wow.  I never knew math had so many real life applications.

Anyway, back to me. I do not see how gays affect my life and that is why I am not too concerned with them. But I may have an idea of how they may get tired of being called out. In high school and somewhat undergraduate, I seemed a little different.  You see, I don’t smoke weed, cigarettes or drugs nor do I take alcohol or watch sport. And I was a virgin! I didn’t seem to do what others were into. It was concluded it was because I was gay. Back then (now too?), anything different was gay. It was even more disturbing with I didn’t put up a physical fight when called such a cruel word or when I laughed at the jokes they made (some of them were really good). The truth of the matter is I was too lazy to follow peer pressure. I see that shit to date. People doing things because that is what is cool. Like the dressing boys have these days. It is scary. Mainly because these boys are wearing, lipstick and tank tops and skinny jeans are NOT gay. They are doing it because that is what is in fashion. I feel sad for them. But the jokes I make about them cheer me up instantly.

My point is, treat homosexuals like humans. Because they are. Majority of them are good. some of them are out right assholes. Just like heterosexuals. Some of them laugh at gay jokes. Some are uptight about it and think of them as hate speech. Just like heterosexuals. Some of them will abduct young girls take them to an alley are repeatedly rape them before dumping them into a pit latrine. Just like heter….. not wait that was purely a heterosexual move. Has nothing still been done to get that poor girl justice?

If we look at it closely, us heteros have caused more harm that than the homos. Also, I bet straight guys talk more about gays than gays do themselves. Lets stop that. Let’s stop assuming what things are and ask them. They can talk, they can feel and they can reason because after all, aren’t they human beings?

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