Kenya’s first presidential debate. Some are even saying Africa’s first presidential debate. There was no way I was going to miss it. I had bought enough bundles and opened all the relevant brower tabs. Youtube and Twitter. And then I waited. And waited. And then waited some more. And then finally, waited again. The debate that was meant to start at 6.30pm started at around 8.00pm. Just incase you were wondering what the phrase African Timer meant!
Still I was excited. It is not like I had elsewhere to be. The show started out fine. With rival candidates greeting each other with so much joviality that you’d think the hatred they preach is just to confuse the dumb and misinformed.
The first part of the debate was moderated by Linus Kaikai, some anchor at some TV station. (Damn I need to start watching TV and know people). He did well, was strict with time and demanded precision. The debate started off simply enough, with introductions. But still people messed up. And by people, I mean the Prime Minister. His time ran out as he was still trying to translate Swahili into English before speaking. The time/language issue really fucked him and others up but what do you expect when you give someone 30 seconds to respond. Still, I think that the debate should be translated to all major Kenyan languages and re-aired on their respective radio stations to widen the audience base because clearly English was not even the strong suit of some of the candidates, with them saying things like, ‘Me I’, ‘I can be able’ etc. English is not our language.
Linus moderated a debate. Julie hosted a talk show. #kedebate13
— Mo. (@MoSande) February 11, 2013
The second part of the debate turned into a talk show that was hosted by the ever praised Julie Gichuru. It sucked. She was seated behind a desk with the light skin legs hidden from view and top covering most of her skin. She wasn’t showing skin so guys had to listen to what she was saying! Guess what, with the sex appeal out of the equation, she amounted to shit. This Sunday, to make us forget how bad she tanked, she should host her show in a sleeveless mini dress and high heels and make sure she catwalks all around the studio and when she sits she keeps crossing the legs. You know, put the sex back to news.
The winner of the debate though was Mohammed Abduda Dida. That guy is just MAD. No seriously, his initials spell out MAD. He brought the debate to life. Him and Paul Muite. And to think they almost didn’t show up! I cannot even begin to sum up the hilarious parts because I would just waste the whole day here. But I have a shitty memory and I want to forever remember this day so I am going to highlight my fav tweets here so that they do not get lost on my timeline. We had 5 worldwide TTs running at the same time and still Twitter doesn’t want to give us a location and Jimmy Kimmel is still in denial.
‘I am Martha. And I am a mother’ Karua please, lets save the puns and wordplay for Twitter. #debate254
— Dexxe (@Dexxe) February 11, 2013
If I was Uhuru I would avoid saying things like “a crime is a crime” — Dida (@roomthinker) February 11, 2013
Julie did such a great job in part one. She should have stuck to it. — Kui Njoroge (@njorogekui) February 11, 2013
Julie: “what colour is an orange?”Dida: ”the sky is up, the trees sway in the wind, I loveBacon, unicorn. How much time do Ihave?” — Terry muikamba (@terrific_teri) February 11, 2013
But if you listen to this debate objectively, Dida is talking sense. He may lack delivery but still
— Dexxe (@Dexxe) February 11, 2013
MAD’s ideologies got the most laughter but they make a nigga think. And thought niggas did. They even made pictures. But the one that killed it most was the Githerimaji ad. It was so well photoshopped I thought it was a real thing. The owner did not watermark it so I have no way to go see what else he can do with a computer. Or she. It could be a she.
Here is the whole debate. For me to look at later and laugh! I will be updating this list as I find more madness I want to remember.
Here is an entire transcript of what happened:http://elections.nation.co.ke/news/-/1631868/1691314/-/p7o5xjz/-/index.html
Here is a sound byte of MAD’s issues