I had been convinced that the Land Rover Defender was the best SUV for the kind of roads we encountered during our field work studies but I am starting to change my mind. Yes I understand why The Audi Q7 is a tame SUV that would get butchered in the wilderness. Yes I get that the Toyota Land Cruiser ( the 70’s series not this new-age Prado nonsense) brought back bad memories of being hauled to cells by the police. But I am still adamant that the Land Rover is not all that that I was made to believe. In the field, I agree that it is king but what about when I have to come back to civilization and work in the office for a while as I compile the report? The Landy does not look all that. The SVX maybe, but the normal one, no!

Notice how I ignored the American SUVs. I think they are all meant for cities and would break immediately they hit a dirt road. Okay. I am exaggerating a bit. It doesn’t even need to hit a dirt road to break. It can break even on the smoothest of roads. Notice also that I have never owned a car. This might incline you to negate every tarnishing remark I ever make of American SUVs. But check this out. The Americans themselves show us how shitty their cars are without even knowing it. Look at the movies (I have never been there so I have to judge by what is in the media). In every movie that shows an American SUV as cool, the car is heavily souped up. Custom grill, 24 inch chrome rims, counter clock-wise spinners, Recaro bucket seats, Carbon fibre hood and skirts,  spoilers on the roof…. I mean! That Cedric Bow Wow movie sums it all up. It’s too damn much. My theory? If you buy a car and have to spend more money making it look good, that car is shit. So in short, if you want an SUV that is meant for field work, Europe. If you have more cents than sense, America. If you are broke, Japan.

My sudden craze with SUVs started when I was overcome with the sudden realization that my career path is headed to life in the wilderness. Working with dirt. Surviving the scorching sun. (By the way for something that is called a great source of energy, standing under a scorching sun sure does drain you of all your energy. That must be where it gets all its power. From field workers like me. Oh my God I power the sun!!!) My life is in the field and I have come to accept this. So instead of having a Q7 for the office and the Landy for the field I have settled on getting the Mercedes Benz GL 63 AMG. It looks able to do hard labour. That and because it has 7 seats. My dad has gotten me used to 7 seaters.

But in all honesty, check out these pictures and tell me this car is not suited for the real off road then a fancy office in the city. It costs an arm and a leg but all the presidential aspirants are talking about wealth creation so whoever will get in (it doesn’t matter who, because ALL of them have said we will be rich soon) will make sure I can afford this by Christmas this year.

 

Quick stats

 

  • Engine – 5.5-liter V8 biturbo
  • Torque – 760 Nm at 2000-5000 rpm
  • Output – 410 kW (557 hp) at 5250-5750 rpm
  • Acceleration  0-100 km/h – 4.9 s
  • Top speed – 250 km/h *Electronically limited
  • Fuel consumption – 12.3 l/100 km
  • Price – a measly 10 million. So add the generous amount of Kenyan tax and you have a total of only 20 million shillings. Peanuts.
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The typically upright GL radiator grille with its central Mercedes star is adorned with high-gloss slats painted in black.
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Mercedes-AMG has enhanced the main stylistic features of the new GL – powerful dynamism and sporty elegance
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The trim insert in matt silver chrome installed under it creates a sense of width and coordinates optimally with the borders of the LED daytime running lamps in the side air openings.
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striking, masculine, powerful
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AMG styling elements include the front apron with its large openings that ensure an effective air flow for the cooling modules
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The bottom air intake takes the form of a typical AMG stylized “A” with a gap under the fine black fin through which air can flow optimally to the cooling modules – the perfect blend of design and high-tech.

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The GL 63 AMG comes as standard with 5-spoke light-alloy wheels in format 10 x 21, painted titanium grey and with a high-sheen finish, fitted with tires in size 295/40 R 21.
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A symbol of the true power lurking within, the “V8 BITURBO” lettering on the front fender proudly proclaims the essence of a true AMG.
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The AMG front apron elegantly merges into the exclusive wheel-arch flaring. In order to accommodate the large AMG light-alloy wheels, the flaring widens the vehicle by 22 millimeters on each side.
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The AMG high-performance braking system provides for the shortest possible braking distances and high fade resistance with ventilated and perforated brake discs all-round in size 390 x 36 millimeters (front) and 345 x 26 millimeters (rear).
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Keyless start?
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rrrrrr
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sporty handling is ensured by the permanent all-wheel drive, which splits the driving force asymmetrically between the front and rear axle at a 40/60 percent ratio.
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AMG Sports Suspension

 Courtesy of Mercedes Benz AMG

 

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